my innermost thoughts

before i welcomed 2009, i really had a hard time dealing with 2008.. so many things happened last year.. but the most recent, like just last month was devastating it made my head spin…

first, i made a rash decision that left me hurting and feeling so stupid.. i should have asked before i went overboard and made that hasty decision.. i end up not only hurting him but also myself.. i cried everyday that i thought im gonna lose my mind.. i was even thinking that it will never be the same again.. but as was about to say goodbye, he said he won’t let me go.. sure, i was hoping he would say that but i feel like im not worthy of him anymore.. cause i dont have the courage to face him, like i should have gone to hell for doing those things to him.. but he did the unexpected which left me tongue-tied… after that, i promised, really promised and swear that i’ll never hurt him anymore…

next, i lost a friend… not in the literal sense of a word but i lost this person simply because she doesnt want me in her life anymore.. until now, i don’t know where and when the gap started but it really hurts me just to see this person.. i know i should have confronted her but i already did that the first time she gave me this cold treatment… from her, i learned to let go.. because some things, though how beautiful they are, are not really meant for us to keep forever…

i’ve learned also to build an invisible wall around me.. why? because of my innate character to get attached to people i trust, i was not aware that other people who are also close to the people i cherish are either hurting, jealous or furious with me…well, i think it would be a noble act to let myself get hurt for the expense of others…

i had crying moments before i welcomed 2009… but will my tears help me? definitely no.. so better dont cry over spilled milk.. what’s the point? i cannot reverse time… might as well move on..